It would be more fitting if the URL to this blog would be "the fumbling of motherhood" instead of "the humbling of motherhood". I feel like I've fumbled through the last 15 weeks thanks to a constant fog of sleeplessness and one-track-mindedness. Max being that single track, of course.
I'm pretty klutzy by nature. I've been know to walk into buildings, parking meters and trees (seriously). I trip over my own feet and I've unintentionally elbowed my husband in the face enough time to make him think I'm doing it on purpose. Since I gave birth, things have gotten out of control.
It starts in the morning. I fumble to turn off my buzzing alarm, panicked it might wake the baby. In the process I knock books, cell phones and pacifiers off my nightstand. Then I head downstairs for 15 minutes of blog reading, coffee and breakfast before the rest of the house wakes. My lazy fingers often fail me as I try to type in a password or make some food. I've recently come across some less than family friendly websites by mistyping a letter or two. Just yesterday I fumbled with the oatmeal lid causing a half full container of oats to splay across a dirty kitchen floor. When sweeping up the mess, I knocked myself in the jaw with the handle of the broom.
Getting showered and dressed for the day brings more mistakes. I get to work to find only one eyelid lined or one leg shaved. Twice now I've started to pump before leaving, only to realize I didn't screw on the collection cup. Just walking from my back door to my garage has resulted in two faceplants. I now leave the high heels off until I reach my office. After dropping Max off at day care last week, I got a call 60 seconds after driving away saying I left my checkbook AND my work badge in the tuition office.
I'm not much better once I get to work and don't have to worry about keeping Max alive. I need to triple and quadruple check emails before sending, for fear I forgot a word or worse, and entire sentence. I fumble on the phone, calling co-workers to ask a question then immediately forgetting the question when they pick up. I leave stuff everywhere. Someone is constantly telling me I left my phone or beverage on their desk. I leave clumsily written post it note reminders all over my monitor so I don't forget to complete important tasks...like swiping in and out.
I'm so busy thinking about Max's latest development, diaper issues or doctor appointments that I fumble through the rest of my life, hoping I can make it from point A to point B without injuring myself of forgetting something vital, like bringing along my cell phone, or putting on underwear. I walk into the grocery store for one thing, manage to spend $50 and walk about without purchasing the item that necessitated the trip. I have even been avoiding the treadmill for fear that I will get on it, fumble, trip, fall and be shot off the belt, Jackass style.
I know soon this will pass. I'll get more sleep, I'll get more accustom to being responsible for someone another person's life and I'll start catching on to where I most commonly fumble and take action to prevent another occurrence. I'll be that has-it-together, well dressed working mom....someday. But now, I'm just going to try and not fall in the shower.