Holy Crap Max is Sleeping...or, The One Where I link to an AWESOME Vanillia Ice Video.

Well, it’s been about a week since we put Max in his own room and the only thing I can say is: “WHY THE HECK DIDN’T WE DO THIS BEFORE?!!”.  The first night was bad.  Really really bad. Four-cups-of-coffee-weren’t-enough-to-make-it-to-10AM bad.

The second night wasn’t much better.

 During the third night, Max started to accept his new digs.

Last night, for the first time, we didn’t have to get up and feed him.  That’s not to say he didn’t wake up.  Poor kid has a hacking cough so he woke himself up 2 times.  However, we made the decision to let him fuss for 5-10 minutes before we went into his room to comfort him.* Both times last night, he went back to sleep within the designated 600 seconds.  I did not have to get out of bed a single time.  It’s a Labor Day miracle.

I thought for sure this day would never come. I thought it was an *indubitable* fact that 15 years from now I’d be getting up a 2AM to make him a pizza.

So maybe things are getting better.  With him in his own room, we don’t wake to every toss, turn or sneeze Max makes.  Brett and I suddenly have the freedom to lie in bed and talk.  We aren’t straining our eyes trying to read by the light of the iPhone flashlight app.   There is finally one place in our house that isn’t stuffed with baby paraphernalia.  It’s the one grown up room we have, akin to the living room at your parent’s house that you weren’t allowed to play in because that’s where mom kept all the nice stuff.  Oh, you didn’t have that room?  Apparently you didn’t have horribly destructive brothers who broke lamps when acting out scenes from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Go ninja, go ninja, go!*

It’s only been a week and as Max (and his teeth) continue to grow, I know the sleep routine will change again.  For now I will bask in the glory of longer stretches of uninterrupted sleep and I will try not to beat myself up over keeping Max in our room for as long as I did.

Will Max’s future (but not any time soon) siblings sleep in their own room before they reach 5 months old?

Indubitably.

*(Disclaimer: Don’t get all “Cry it out is bad” on me.  If he starts to wail, we immediately comfort him.)

You Know You Married an Engineer When....

Yesterday after a reading a post from Adventures of a Wee Mason Man I realized "Holy Crap!  Max's pack-n-play bassinet has a weight limit....and he's way over it!".  Mom of the Year I am not. So Brett and I decided that it was a good time to move Max to his own room.   My bloodshot eyes, red nose, messy pony tail, yoga pants at noon and 37th cup of coffee are proof that both naps and bedtime were a fail of massive proportions. It's a story for another day but lets just say there were tears and screaming from both Max and me. 

Anywho, he finally went down (for a few hours) and Brett and I decided we too should head to bed. As I was finishing up an email Brett turned me and asked "Do you think we should put a camera in there so we can watch him?"

"Like, right now?"  I replied.

He gave me the "Duh, obviously" look and disappeared into his evil lair office.

When you are married to a mechanical engineer you learn it's best not to ask silly questions like "Why?" and "How?".  You just accept things like a motorcycle engine in your living room and you aren't worried when he comes in from the garage making statements like "My pants just caught on fire".  In fact his mechanical mindedness comes in handy when your laptop screen cracks or your hair dryer stops working. 

Ten minutes later, Brett emerges from his lair and and sneaks into Max's room.  I pop my head in to see this contraption:

And this box:

Then we head upstairs with and with a flip of a few switches, we see Max slumbering away. Sure, the video quality is reminiscient of the Paris Hilton sex tape (not that I saw it) and when the camera is turned on the wireless internet dies but now when we hear a fuss we can flip a switch and see if Max is actually up or just squirming in his sleep. It doesn't require running down a flight of stairs or tripping over a nortiously underfoot cat in the dark.  

It's just one of the many perks of loving an engineer. A little bit of extra work to facilitate a significant amount of laziness.

Snot, Snot and more Snot!

Poor Max has a cold. Again. Actually it's not just a cold.  It's some rare condition where he generates more snot then your average adult.  Seriously, the poor child is covered is boogers.   Combined with the liters of drool spewing from his mouth, it's pretty disgusting. Adorable, but disgusting.  See?

It's not like this is anything new.  Since he was 4 weeks old, he started this perpetual cold that varies in seriousness.  Usually, he has a few sniffles,  or sounds congested but what he has now is way worse. At night he's so stuffy he can't suck his thumb and breathe at the same time.  Therefore he keeps waking himself up. Brett and I are essentially walking zombies because it takes so long to calm the poor kid down and get him back to sleep.  Then, an hour later, we're at it again.

It's so bad we've had to break out the nasal aspirator to help clear his nose. I hate using it but Max hates it even more. He thrashes like crazy and it requires multiple people to hold him still.  When the actual snot sucking takes place it scares the hell out of him.  He lets out the most heartbreaking, blood curdling, "Oh my fucking god please stop killing me" scream. I know it doesn't hurt him; that's a completely different cry.  But he hates it so much and it breaks my heart to have to do it.  

Hubs and I have tried multiple techniques to make the process less scary for Max. Big smiles as we approach. Using the battery powered "bwain sucker" that plays music. Singing to him. Cuddling him both before and after we try to remove snot. None of it works. And his cries are so pathetically heartbreaking, last night I was in tears too.

This hatred of the snot sucker is new.  He used to smile when we used the battery powered one and he loved the music.  Not so much any more. Now he hates any and all snot removal techniques, from whipping his nose with the tissue to the bulb syringe. We try to keep the "sucking" to an absolutely minimum but it has to be done.  Even saline drops (which he also hates with a violent passion) aren't helpful. 

So until this round of "Snot Fest-Summer2010" ends we'll keep sucking snot, rubbing in the Vicks, sitting him in the bathroom while we shower and endlessly running the humidifier (despite the fact its 98% humidity outside). Even when dressed adorably, the poor kid just looks miserable.     

Adorable, but miserable.

Our Little Roomate

At almost 5 months, Max is still sleeping in our bedroom.  At one point, during pregnancy I think I uttered the phrase “Oh, we plan to keep the baby in our room for at least a year”.

Pregnant Laura was crazy. No offense to my beautiful, wonderful, handsome child but I want him out Out OUT!!

When Max was born, he was up every two hours to eat so it made sense to keep him in a portable crib next to our bed. I could just sit up, pull him out of the crib and get him to latch on.  The plan was to fall back asleep until he was done noshing and then just gently lay him back in the crib. I could then lovingly watch as my little prince drifted to dreamland with a sleepy smile on his face. Reality did not follow the plan. There was always a struggle to get him to latch and when he finally had his fill it took 45 minutes of begging, bouncing, rocking, pacing, singing and walks around the block to get him to stop screaming and fall back asleep. Reality is a bitch.

As he grew, Max started to fall back asleep without a struggle. However, his frequent wakings continued.  Three hours between a waking was a good night.  It’s getting better but he’s still up 1-3 times a night and needs one feeding during that time.  He’s a terrible sleeper, just like me. Many friends with kids Max’s age have moved their baby into the nursery but Max is still residing in our room. It’s not due to a parenting philosophy but because his parents are sleep deprived and lazy.

The layout of our house puts Max on a different floor than Brett and I.  If we put Max in his room, going to feed or comfort him in the middle of the night would require stumbling down a flight of stairs, tripping over unfolding laundry, toys and pets, flipping on bright lights the stumbling back up the stairs.  All these things would be enough to fully wake me up and keep me from falling back asleep.  I’d be even more sleep deprived (if that’s possible). So, until Max becomes a consistent sleeper we’ve decided to leave him in our room. He’ll probably be about 13.

It kinda sucks.  I selfishly want my room back.  Brett and I have our best conversations in our bedroom as there is no TV or laptop to distract us.  I’m sick of having to tip-toe through the room each night lest we wake the sleeping giant.  I want to be able to read a book using my reading lamp and not the dim light of my iPhone flashlight app. I want to, well, I won’t get into what else I want….

Until I go completely insane Max sleeps through the night, he’ll bunk with us. Besides, if he starts to need his actual crib, what will we use as a changing table?  

How long did your little one(s) sleep in your room?  Any hints on how to make the transition?

 

The Quest for Sleep

Max is slowly but surely falling into a sleep routine.  By typing that sentence I am sure I just jinxed it.  Oh well.  Max is averaging only two wakings a night which is WAY better than the 8-10 we used to get. I feel vaguely human!

During the last 4 months, I've gotten all kinds of advice on how to get him to sleep.  Some of it has been helpful and some of it has been ignored.  The best advice though, was simple:

Baby's change.  Develop a arsenal of techniques so you can always have a back-up plan when something stops working.
That little advice has saved me from many sleepless hours of desperately trying to get the same techniques to work. Every baby is totally different and what worked for Max might not work for another baby.  However, if you are desperate, here are a few things we did that you can add to your bag of tricks.

1) Routine, Routine, Routine- Once we started a simple routine bedtime got so much easier.  It's nothing special.   Bath with song, baby massage with song, feeding and then putting him down half asleep.  98% of the time goes down without protest.  This is a far cry from the days where bedtime involved screaming and gnashing of teeth from both baby and parents.

2) Use a bottle- Okay, this isn't for everyone and it's totally controversial. I wasn't planning to ever give Max a bottle until I went back to work. That dream crashed and burned by his 3rd day of his life.  All the experts say giving your child a bottle (expressed milk or formula) at bed time does not help them sleep longer. However, from my experience and experience of a few dozen other moms, it works.  Max tends to get distracted when nursing and regularly unlatches even when he isn't done.  I can't get him re-latch either. With a bottle, he's no nonsense and he'll suck down every last ounce and won't look for more an hour later. There was a major difference in sleep length once he got a breast milk bottle at his pre-bedtime feeding instead of eating straight from the source.  And when we started supplementing with formula out of necessity (which is another post for another day), he slept even longer.

3) Don't react to every fuss- I'm not a fan of the cry it out method.  I don't let Max scream him little head off unless I'm starting to get overly frustrated and need a few minutes to clear my head.  At night, when Max started even the tiniest little fuss, Brett or I would immediately get out of bed and scoop him up to calm him down. We were actually waking him up even more! Over the course of two weeks I stopped getting up at every noise.  I'd let him fuss a little longer each day and wouldn't grab him until I could tell all hell was about to break loose.  Eventually he started to calm himself and now he can self-soothe  instead of needing cuddles or a snack to fall back asleep.

4) White Noise-Box fan, machine, iPod, animal that makes noise, whatever.  Max can't do without it and honestly, I've grown pretty dependent too!

5) Darkness- When his nightlight is on, Max reacts as if he's missing something. He's so curious that when a light is on = something's going on... and he wants to be part of it.  Once we cut out the nightlight he focused more on sleeping then on figuring out what might or might not be going on around him. 

Those five tricks are what works now and laid the foundation for a better sleep pattern.  But soon, those may change and Brett and I will need to try something new.   If you are a stressed out, over tired, stumbling through life parent, please know you aren't alone. I've been there and I know the wrath you feel when someone tell you "My precious baby started sleeping 12 hours straight when they were 3 weeks old".   Hell, I'm still there. But it does get better.  I promise. I can't say that stops you from wanting to slap those people. That won't even die.

Since my tricks might one day fail me what do you do to help get your little one to sleep or more importantly, keep them asleep? I need to expand my arsenal.

Maximum Max- a week 15 update

Ok friends and family, I hear you.  You aren't coming out and saying it, but I can hear your thoughts. "Laura, that's great you and Brett starting eating steak on Sunday and you make cake in the microwave.  Sure, you love a couple of Dad's and you took a picture of a train. Good for you.  But we aren't reading this blog for you.  We want to know about Max!"  Fine.  I'll stop talking about myself for a minute.

You really want to know about Max?

Really really?

Well...he's a bit constipated and a bit cranky.   Oh, and now he has a cold.

Sorry, you asked

Actually, besides the issues mentioned above, Max is developing right on track.  At least I think so.  I stopped comparing him to what the "experts" say he should be doing because it makes me a bit insane. He's a week ahead in some places and a week behind in others. The past few weeks have had some pretty major milestones however.

The biggest development is that Max has started using his hands. He skipped the "batting at things" stage altogether.  He's grabbing at things and it's obviously intentional because when he gets a grip, the object goes directly to his mouth.  It was fun the first few days as he would swing and miss but now he's pretty accurate.  The only downside is I need to temporarily put away all my dangling earrings!

 

Another ADORABLE development is he is more verbal.  From yelps to coos to gurgles and the best- laughing, he is able to communicate more than "HOLY CRAP I'M PISSED SO FIX IT". It's totally awesome. Plus, he does this the most when we are changing his diaper, thus making a unfun task completley awesome!

I no longer dread car rides now that Max doesn't scream bloody murder the whole time. Instead, he looks around, maybe yelps once or twice and falls alseep.  It's adorable. And blissfully quiet.

Other things changing include:
-He notices himself in the mirror...and thinks he's hysterical
-He's working on sitting up and no longer despises his bumbo.
-He's able to play in his exersauser though he isn't 100% sure he likes it.
-He has rolled from tummy to back 7 times but most of the time does it when no one is looking.
-He still loves that damn bear

The only thing that isn't going well is the lack of sleep at night.  He's an adorable angel during the day but at night he's screaming  every 2 hours.  We've tried EVERYTHING but he doesn't want to sleep.  It's one thing after another.  When we finally figured out a good feeding schedule, he decided he doesn't want the swaddle all night long.  When he finally broke the swaddle habit, the constipation thing happened.  Once his tummy troubles were under control he got a cold.  So, we keep trying things to get him to sleep for more than a few hours at a time.  We all keep begging praying that one night a switch will flip and he'll sleep for a long stretch, every night. Unfortunately, my gut is telling me we have another 9 months of this.  Brett and I no longer find coffee effective.  Instead, we just ingest caffeine into our veins.

I don't want to complain too much. He's healthy and that is all that matters. All in all, he's a pretty wonderful kid and my life is better with him in it.

Writer's Workshop-A Happiness List

Sure, there are lots of things that make me smile after a bad day.  There are the obvious things in which everyone shares.  A hug from your spouse.  A big smile and laugh from your baby. Coffee and conversation with an old friend.  Yes, those things will put a smile on my face when I'm not happy too. However, here's a list of 10 less obvious things that really can turn a bad day good.

10) Will Ferrell Movies- My sense of humor is similar to what a teenage boy might have.  People getting hit in the junk, fart jokes, ect. I also love pop culture references. So, Will Ferrel movies tend to fall in that brilliant category of immaturity.  I can quote 90% of Anchorman.  Even love Blades of Glory.  I love all his stuff..except Land of the Lost.  That blew chunks.

9) Listening to Tom Jones's "It's Not on Usual" and doing the Carlton Dance. Seriously.  Try it (when no one is looking). It's hard not to have a good time.


8) The Chocolate Covered Orange Martini from Lulu's Chocolate Bar.  Alcohol?  Chocolate?  Oranges? In a drink?  Yes Please.

7) This clip from Mythbusters:

6) These shoes

Aren't they ridiculously hot? I saw them in a window and left my beloved grandfathers funeral luncheon to go buy them. Plus, they were a billion percent off. Gramps was a major bargain hunter so I think he were actually his doing.

5) When new people follow my blog (HINT HINT HINT)

4) Driving my car. This is my car, Louie. 

Now that I'm all parent-y and responsible, I don't get to drive it very often.  Day care is close to my work and Louie can't accommodate a car seat.  Thus, I get the family sedan most days while Brett takes my car.  I can't complain too much.  Brett did give up his fancy schmancy sports car completely. Still, on the rare occasional I am without Max and in my car, I take the long way home.

3) Joel McHale-'nuff said

2) Her cakes and desserts. So damn yummy. She's a great baker and even a better friend.

1) Sleeping for more than 4 hours in a row.  It never ever ever happens any more, but if it ever does again, I can promise you I will be a renewed, less bitchy woman. 

So- What makes you happy?

Surviving Day Care.

The first two days of Day Care have been surprisingly stress free. I'm probably shooting myself in the foot for saying so but it's true. A fair bit of organization has helped.  The night before I get all bottles, breast pumps, extra clothes and lunch packed and ready to go. I even make sure the coffee machine is ready, down to my travel mug under the spout so I just have to hit "brew". Brett gets Max ready and I get myself ready so we can be out the door at the unholy hour of 6:30AM.  Even the drive is mildly pleasant. Max usually screams on car rides but the past two mornings he's been asleep the whole time, allowing me to catch up on world events courtesy of NPR. (It's not quite the same without Carl Kasell).

(please pardon crummy iPhone picture)

Dropping Max off has also been easy. I feel like a bad mom because I didn’t cry.  So many friends talked about how they cried for hours  after dropping off their baby for the first time. Not me.  I think I was too exhausted to cry. We are still not making progress on the sleep issue. Max, however, wasn’t very happy I was leaving. He gave me the wet eyed frown this morning and actually buried his head my shoulder when his teach went to take him.  There was some guilt on my end, but it was more that he was crying and I wasn't.  I was feeling guilty for not feeling guilty.  Catholic much?

I'm really happy with the day care (or school, which is what I call it to make it sound better).  The teachers are wonderful and of all the times I've stopped by unannounced not once was there a screaming child. In just two days most of the teachers know Max, not just the ones in the infant room. Another plus is that I don't have to go all day without seeing him.  During lunch I just walk down the hall, out the door and across a small parking to give my Little Man some lunch.  There is even a little comfy room where I can nurse him. I'm sure my feelings about going back to work would be much more negative if I didn't have such an ideal situation. Plus, when I came to get him at the end of the day, he was all smiles!

While I know there are going to be bad days, I hope this is a sign of things to come. I've even learned one really important lesson in all of this.  If you are a working Mom who is able to nurse their child during the day....be sure to have an emergency change of clothes in your office. Massive milk stains (or worse) aren't professional.

Must. Get. Sleep.

Preface:  This post is a bit of a downer and admittedly a bit defensive.  I promise the next one will be more sunshine and rainbows. 

I have officially reached the end of my rope and I don’t know what to do anymore. Max has gone from 4-6 hour sleep stretches to 1-2 hour stretches, both day and night.  He only naps 3 hours during the day no matter how many times we try putting him down or coaxing him back to sleep.  I absolutely cannot function like this much longer. It’s one thing when after the 5AM feeding I can go back to bed for short stretches and can veg a bit during his short daytime naps.  However, now I’m up at 5:45 and during the day I have to be perky, cheerful and on my best behavior.  That’s too bad because my lack of sleep is making me want to tell perfectly nice people where to shove it. It’s not really the impression I want to make on my first week back on the job.

I’ve received all sorts of unsolicited medical diagnosis’s including apnea, reflux, and colic. I know none of those are the issue. I’ve run the gamut of food elimination to rule out allergies and my pediatrician says Max is fine expect for the lack of sleep.  I’ve tried the tips and tricks from No Cry Sleep Solution and it helped at first but now even those are failing me.  The book promises that if I stick with it things will get better, but over the past 10 days things have started really unraveling.

Tonight starts a new strategy that will have LLL members and lactation consultants around the world screaming "Nooooooo!".  I'm supplementing with formula.  Yes, I'm a terrible mother.  Sue me. I refuse to feel guilty about it.  Regular pumping has shown I'm obviously not producing enough milk, even after a week on fennugreek.  I'm not going to go on about it but Max has made it clear he isn't getting enough from me.  Perhaps some formula mixed with breastmilk will help kiddo stay full enough to not wake every 60-120 minutes starving and pissed.

So, lets hope this new strategy will bring both Max and I a little peace.  We both need a bit more shut eye.