The Timeline of a Supposedly Simple Walk

7:05AM Wake up regretting the gluttony of Girls Night.  I can feel the half gallon of shrimp sauce poured over my terriyaki steak and shrimp depositing itself on my hips.  And the Cold Stone ice cream has created a third chin.

7:06 AM Decide a long walk is in order and must get it started before 8:30 or else it will be too hot. 

7:15 AM Dressing in workout clothes as hubby and baby come upstairs. Hubby hands off baby so he can get ready for class.

7:20AM  Hang out with Baby.  Realize coffee must be consumed before anything else gets accomplished.

8:15AM  Holy crap. Google Reader stole an hour of my life!

8:16AM Get up to change baby out of pajamas and realize he is showing signs of nap time.  Lay him down in crib hoping it will be a short nap.

9:45 AM Check on baby. Still sound asleep. Damn. It's gonna be a hot walk.

10:00AM Baby awake! Quickly change him, gather proper supplies and head outside.

10:10AM Don't make it off the front porch when I realize it's too sunny. Run back inside to get light blanket to cover stroller and keep sun off baby.

10:12AM  Realize babies feet still stick out.  Run back inside for sunblock. Apply sunblock to baby

10:15AM Make it off porch to mailbox and realize baby doesn't have a toy. Back inside again.

10:16AM  And were off. Damn.  It's hot.

10:19AM  Damn.  It's really hot. Dreams of hour-long power walk are dashed. 

10:25AM  "I want your love, and all your love is revenge/You and me could write a bad romance"  Get strange look from man sweeping his front porch.  Realize I'm belting Gaga. Whoops.

10:27AM  Happy to see other houses have more weeds than us!  Hooray!

10:36AM Check on Max. He's fine.
 

10:40AM Large group of well dressed people walking towards me.  They have Bibles. And pamplets.  I cross to the other side of the street.

10:41AM Realized avoiding them wasn't very Christian of me but I wasn't in the mood to explain that I am  perfectly happy as a guilt-ridden Catholic thankyouverymuch.

10:45AM Holy hell it's so freaking hot. Maybe I can convince Brett to move to Chicago.

10:46AM It snows in Chicago.  Nevermind.

10:50AM "Rock me mama like the wind and the rain/Rock me mama like a southbound train" Realize I shouldn't sing this to Max.

10:55AM Feel face starting to burn.  Glad I went back for sunblock.

11:00AM  Baby starts to fuss.  Hooray, valid excuse to stop!

11:05AM Turn corner. See well dressed people leaving my porch.  Crisis adverted.  Feel bad for women wearing sweater vests.

11:07AM Home.  Air Conditioning.  Pissed off kid.  Feel kinda guilty I dragged him out in this weather. Not guilty enough to not take a picture.

11:15AM-4:00PM  Exahusted from walk.  On couch playing with baby and watching VH1's Greatest Artists of All Time.  Occasionally yell "Bullshit" and hope baby doesn't hear me.