Just Shut Up Already!

During these violently hot summer days, I see a pregnant woman and think "Thank God I was at my biggest in the winter". I have such sympathy for those woman, Being pregnant when the heat index is 110 requires a mindset I just didn't have during my third trimester.

Then, this afternoon, I got an email from a pregnant friend and it made me realize that being pregnant sucks no matter what the temperature. She was lamenting how one of the worst parts of pregnancy is the ridcuously stupid, inappropriate and sometimes hurtful comments people make.

In her case, at a family party, someone came up to her and said "Congratulations! How much weight have you gained", as if she looked HUGE (she doesn't). The tactless person then proceeded to say "Well you don't look swollen and puffy at all". Bahh!

Seriously? Do people stop thinking when talking to pregnant women? When the poor woman is already feeling like a house and incredibly hormonal, do you really need to say things to make her feel worse?

Some of the more memoral comments I recieved include:

"What do you mean you aren't going to find out baby's gender? How am I supposed to buy you a gift"

"Wow, you look ready to pop!" (I was only 7 months along)

"You look like that woman from Jon and Kate plus Eight" (I look like I'm carrying 8 babies? Awesome)

"Wow, your boobs are huge!"

"Don't put your arms over your head. It'll cause a miscarriage"

"I don't think you can do it. You'll cave at that first contraction and get an epidural" (34 hour labor, 10lb 4oz baby, no epidural. TAKE THAT, fucker)

"Can you still fit in your Mustang?"

I know most people don't mean harm and I worry that maybe once, before I ever thought about pregnancy, unwittingly said something stupid. Now that I've been there I think all pregnant women should be able to smack one stupid person a day without reprocussions. Maybe I'll make that a rule when I'm queen of the world. When Queen, I'll also provide free weekly massages for women in their 3rd trimester. Seriously lifesaving.

I do have to give props to my friend Brian who said the nicest thing ever when I was pregnant. At 38 weeks we met him and his wife for dinner. I hadn't seen them since the pregnancy was first announced. Upon greeting me he said, with pure sincerity, "Wow, you don't look big at all!"

I coulda kissed him!

What stupid things have you heard when pregnant? Or, fess up, what did you say to a pregnant woman that you immediately regretted? 

 Eight babies in there?  Really? 

Wordless Wednesday: Baptismal Outfit

4 Month Appointment!

Max had his 4 month appointment yesterday and our doc confirmed our suspicions.  The child is totally awesome. Ok, so maybe Dr. R didn't say that but he did say Max is doing really well.  He's 15 lbs 10 oz and 25 inches.  75% percentile for both height and weight. He's keeping mommy's dreams of having a Chicago Bears Linebacker for a son alive. Too bad he won't inherit any athletic ability from either parent.

He also got 3 shots, which went well.  Some moms say they get more upset than their kid when it's time for shots. Can't say I have that problem.  While I don't enjoy watching Max get stuck, it doesn't tear me apart.  I think I got all needle stick trauma out of my system when at 3 days old, Max was admitted to the hospital.  There, several nurses, most of whom looked barely old enough to drive, stuck him SEVEN times before they called in the seasoned vet to put in an IV. Compared to that, a simple vaccine is pretty much a non issue. 

Max didn't seemed bothered by them either.  I put a bottle in his mouth just before the nurse stuck him. 

With the first shot,he basically gave the nurse a dirty look and went back to eating.

The second shot he fussed for a second then realized "Hey! Food!".

The third shot, the one with the fattest needle, prompted a brief wail before going back to his bottle.

The boy finds comfort in food.  That's a trait he sure got from his Momma.

The whole appointment was basically a success, except for crazy long wait.  Max dealt with the wait by doing what Brett and I wished we could do:

Speaking of sleep, I had to deal with a fussy baby during the afternoon but Max slept like champ at night.  I put him in his crib at 5 PM for what I thought would be 10 minutes while I put away the laundry. Much to my surprise he fell asleep and stayed asleep until 10:30.  No bedtime routine or even bath.  And when he did wake, to eat, he promptly went back to sleep and stayed that way.  We had to wake him up when it was time to get ready for day care. 

I need to start scheduling his shots on Fridays so perhaps we can get an extra few hours of shut eye on Saturday morning. 

Am I a terrible parent for thinking such things?

Don't answer that.   

The End of a (Very Short) Era

My breastfeeding relationship with Max is over. It's been hanging by a thread for weeks now and this weekend made me realize I need to end the fight.

I worked so hard breastfeed Max.  I've mentioned before how pre-pregnancy I was planning to breastfeed exclusively for a year.  Ha.  But after lots of tears, sore boobs, hours on breastfeeding message boards and multiple visits to the lactation consultants, I did eventually feed him breast milk exclusively. 

Then I went back to work.

My supply dropped immediately.  I went from pumping 8-9 oz to 2-3oz.  That's total, not per side.  I took fennugreek and drank dark beer with no results.  I tried pumping frequently but I was cramming 40 hours of work into only 24. Breaking away for 20-30 minutes was hard.  I found myself missing a pump without realizing it or getting called into last minute meetings screwing up my schedule. My frozen stash ran out and I eventually had to start supplementing his day care bottles

Max, getting more and more bottles at day care started to prefer them.  Getting him to nurse because increasingly frustrating and as of this weekend he just plain stopped. He screams when I try to nurse him and won't stop screaming until he gets a bottle

So today I realized it was over. After struggling to get him to nurse for 10 minutes I remembered what I vowed to myself when I went back to work.  "I'll breastfeed as long as I can.  When it's over, it's over and I won't drive myself bonkers trying to get it to work". So I gave him a bottle and I cried.

I cried that I couldn't be the "super mom" who worked, breastfed, cloth diapered, cooked organic meals every night and still managed to keep her regular eyebrow wax appointment. I cried because I now had to deal with smelly poop, constantly washing the ten million piece Dr. Brown Bottles, and the added formula cost to our budget. I cried because I don't get those extra 500 calories a day. I cried because I felt guilty. I cried because I felt like a failure.  I was a sobbing, mascara running, snotty-nosed hot mess. Hell, I'm still a hot mess as I write this post.

Most of all I cried because I felt that the special bond that Max and I shared had come to an end.  That final bit of physicality of our relationship that started when I was pregnant was over and I wasn't sure that I was ready for the end.

As my little cries turned into big sobs, Max reached up and put his tiny little hand around my pinkie finger and looked into my eyes. Then he spit the bottle out of his mouth and smiled at me. 

Maybe it will be okay after all.

Loss

My Grandma L passed away on Friday.  She was a fighter her whole life, struggling with many diseases and illnesses but smiled through them all.  She was loved by her 7 kids, 21 grandkids and 5 great grandkids, with #6 on his or her way. 

She died on her 82nd birthday. She spent half of it here with her children and half of it with my Grandfather, the love of her life, who died 2 years ago. 

A devout Catholic, she is now with God, where she always wanted to be. We all know she is happy but that doesn't mean her absence is any less painful.

Tomorrow my family gathers to say goodbye.  It kills me that I can't physically be there, but I will be with them him thoughts and prayers.

We'll all miss you Gram. 

Writer's Workshop: Just Like Heaven

“How far to heaven? Just open your eyes and look. You are in heaven” -Shankar

October 4, 2008.

I love weddings.  It’s a party to celebrate two people in love.  That’s a pretty awesome excuse for a party.  Small weddings, big weddings, formal weddings, casual weddings.   All make me happy.  I’ve been to plenty of weddings.  Twelve in 2009 alone!  But of all the weddings I attended, my favorite was obviously my own.

It was a PARTY!  We had yummy southern food, plenty of drinks,  an amazing DJ and hours of ridiculous dancing. And my hair?  Totally perfect.

But, the perfection of day wasn’t just about the party (or the hair). Those were just an added bonus. The perfection was found in the love. The love I had (and have) for Brett.  The love proclaimed and blessed before God. The love flowing from the friends and family in attendance, most of whom had traveled hefty distances to celebrate with us. Being surrounded by that love, just before my very first dance with my husband, is my interpretation of heaven.

Wordless Wednesdays: Daddy's Little Helper

The Quest for Sleep

Max is slowly but surely falling into a sleep routine.  By typing that sentence I am sure I just jinxed it.  Oh well.  Max is averaging only two wakings a night which is WAY better than the 8-10 we used to get. I feel vaguely human!

During the last 4 months, I've gotten all kinds of advice on how to get him to sleep.  Some of it has been helpful and some of it has been ignored.  The best advice though, was simple:

Baby's change.  Develop a arsenal of techniques so you can always have a back-up plan when something stops working.
That little advice has saved me from many sleepless hours of desperately trying to get the same techniques to work. Every baby is totally different and what worked for Max might not work for another baby.  However, if you are desperate, here are a few things we did that you can add to your bag of tricks.

1) Routine, Routine, Routine- Once we started a simple routine bedtime got so much easier.  It's nothing special.   Bath with song, baby massage with song, feeding and then putting him down half asleep.  98% of the time goes down without protest.  This is a far cry from the days where bedtime involved screaming and gnashing of teeth from both baby and parents.

2) Use a bottle- Okay, this isn't for everyone and it's totally controversial. I wasn't planning to ever give Max a bottle until I went back to work. That dream crashed and burned by his 3rd day of his life.  All the experts say giving your child a bottle (expressed milk or formula) at bed time does not help them sleep longer. However, from my experience and experience of a few dozen other moms, it works.  Max tends to get distracted when nursing and regularly unlatches even when he isn't done.  I can't get him re-latch either. With a bottle, he's no nonsense and he'll suck down every last ounce and won't look for more an hour later. There was a major difference in sleep length once he got a breast milk bottle at his pre-bedtime feeding instead of eating straight from the source.  And when we started supplementing with formula out of necessity (which is another post for another day), he slept even longer.

3) Don't react to every fuss- I'm not a fan of the cry it out method.  I don't let Max scream him little head off unless I'm starting to get overly frustrated and need a few minutes to clear my head.  At night, when Max started even the tiniest little fuss, Brett or I would immediately get out of bed and scoop him up to calm him down. We were actually waking him up even more! Over the course of two weeks I stopped getting up at every noise.  I'd let him fuss a little longer each day and wouldn't grab him until I could tell all hell was about to break loose.  Eventually he started to calm himself and now he can self-soothe  instead of needing cuddles or a snack to fall back asleep.

4) White Noise-Box fan, machine, iPod, animal that makes noise, whatever.  Max can't do without it and honestly, I've grown pretty dependent too!

5) Darkness- When his nightlight is on, Max reacts as if he's missing something. He's so curious that when a light is on = something's going on... and he wants to be part of it.  Once we cut out the nightlight he focused more on sleeping then on figuring out what might or might not be going on around him. 

Those five tricks are what works now and laid the foundation for a better sleep pattern.  But soon, those may change and Brett and I will need to try something new.   If you are a stressed out, over tired, stumbling through life parent, please know you aren't alone. I've been there and I know the wrath you feel when someone tell you "My precious baby started sleeping 12 hours straight when they were 3 weeks old".   Hell, I'm still there. But it does get better.  I promise. I can't say that stops you from wanting to slap those people. That won't even die.

Since my tricks might one day fail me what do you do to help get your little one to sleep or more importantly, keep them asleep? I need to expand my arsenal.

Pity Party

Pardon me while I throw myself a little pity party.  It's been a bad day.

Max is teething. At least, we think so.  There is drool everywhere.  He is chomping on everything and he's fussy as all get out. And on top of it, he's been fighting a cold for 2 weeks (thankyouverymuch day care) and is constantly leaking snot from his nose. (yummy).  Oh and he's gassy.  Today has been hell.  He spent the day screaming as if tortured and nothing would calm him. The only thing that somewhat worked apparently, according to the internets, is horrible and turns your baby blue. The internets say I'm a terrible mom for using it.  I wish I would have looked that up before I put it on his gums. 

I felt terrible for the poor guy. He's just a baby and all he knows is that he's uncomfortable. I tried to give him extra cuddles and kisses throughout the day but after being barraged with screams my patience eventually wore thin.  In his screams I started to hear "YOU SUCK AS A PARENT!".  I was kinda hoping that sort sentiment would have waited until at least his tween years.

While dealing with screams I spent the day waiting for the Comcast tech to come out and fix our spotty internet.  He/She was supposed to be out by 11 AM. Around 1PM I gave up hope and went grocery shopping. Watch them show up tomorrow, while I'm at work. Coincidentally, 2 other people were complaining about Comcast today on Facebook.  I found some relief that Comcast screws over everyone and it wasn't a personal slight against my family.

I also spent the day trying to schedule a Termnix appointment for the earwig infestation that somehow occurred while we were out of town.  Again, more terrible customer service. It took 3 attempts just to get someone on the phone only to be told the "local branch" would need to call me back. I thought I called the mf-ing local branch?!  When I didn't get a call back by 5, I called again only to be cut off mid phone call.  God help the first person I talk to tomorrow because I have zero patience. I'll be switching providers once my contract is up.

Oh and our cat peed on our bed, including our "dry clean only" down comforter.  Anyone want a free evil cat? She's the perfect gift for that super villain in your life that needs a furry sidekick. 

Finally in a serious concern, and the catalyst for the whole gloomy mood, my Grandmother (not the one in previous posts) is dying.  In the course of the day she went from having weeks, to months, to hours.  I don't want to get too into it, but please keep my family, especially my Dad and his siblings in your thoughts.

So, that's my pity party. It's a bad night to be out of comfort juice wine.

Tybee Vacation in Pictures

I had grand dreams of a wonderful blog post filled with great pictures telling the story of our mini-vacation.  Pictures of Max playing with his new "aunties and uncles".  Action shots capturing everyone sitting outside on the porch sharing a meal.  Photos showing how hard we laughed playing post-dinner party games.

Yeah, I got none of those.  I was too busy living the moment to capture it.

Still between Brett and I, we still got a few memories on film...err, CMOS sensor. Here's a few

Our home away from home was GREEN but the perfect layout for 10 big people and one little one.

The boys were with Max all day Friday

If mom was there he wouldn't have ended up with a napkin on his head. I guess it's better than BBQ on the head....

While exploring downtown, the girls all had a Marilyn Monroe moment walking across a sidewalk grate, thus necessitating this shot when we came across this statue

That evening, we had a group cuddle:

The next day was spent at the beach.

Max got his read on,

and rocked some shades.

  

He also experienced the Atlantic Ocean for the first time.

And in the end, all the excitement wore the poor guy out.

It was the perfect getaway as well as the perfect "test trip" with Max.  He was a total trooper and loved having so many people willing to cuddle. Brett and I also enjoyed getting the opportunity to see friends and have conversations that didn't revolve around poop and breastfeeding...although all the poor non-parents were subjected to way more of that than they probably wanted to hear.  We have turned into *those* people and have no shame about it.

Thanks to everyone there for being so accepting of a little, sometimes fussy kid.  Everyone bent over backwards to accommodate Max. Brett and I really appreciated it. Also, thanks to the Cincinnati folks for making the significant others who didn't graduate with you still feel part of the gang.

This posts deserves more pictures

First, I'm writing this on Brett's Macbook and I WANT WANT WANT WANT!!!  I know I have better things to spend my money on, like food, bills, clothes that fit but damn do I want this computer.  My crappy old Dell Laptop just ain't cutting it.

Anyway, our "local" vacation has been amazing and I'm sad this is the last full day.  We rented a house with 8 other people, all who came in from out of town, so even though Tybee Island is only 40 minutes from our house, we still feel like we are on vacation.  The amount of stuff we had to bring for Max is pretty ridiculous.  We even needed a friend to take some stuff for us. Of the 758472548927 bags and boxes we brought, two were for the adults.  For being so small and helpless, this kid sure needs a lot of shit.  I guess really, if we tried we could have significantly pared down.  He doesn't really need the exersaucer, bumbo AND tummy time mat, but it's nice to have the comforts of home. It's easier than using actually parenting to entertain him.

You know what else is nice? Having 8 babysitters!  Yesterday the girls explored downtown Savannah while the boys did guy stuff.  I assume farting was involved but I didn't ask.  Since they took Max, I felt naked without a diaper bag, stroller or sling.  Just one tiny little Coach purse?  I forgot how awesome that could be.  Oh and after spending all day being passed between 10 people, Max slept for 7 hours straight.  Unfortunately, we only took advantage of 3 of those hours since we stayed up later participating in a bloody Catchphrase battle.

This was just the break I needed. I feel like a real person again. I promise pictures soon!

Life got in the way

Dear My Blog and Blogs I enjoy reading, 


I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you.  I miss being near you. I miss your laugh.  I miss your scent. I miss your musk.  When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together. 


Love,
Laura

Ten million awesome points for the first person who can name that movie. 

Anyway, between our internet going out several times (screw you Comcast) and life being insanely busy I have not been able to blog or even check out my favorite reads. Also, my 8:30 PM bedtime might also be to blame.  Sleep when the baby sleeps, right?  This weekend when things slow down I can get my bloggy life back.  Until then, enjoy this picture of Max rocking a Vienna Beef onesie, the only hot dog you can use for an official Chicago Style Hot Dog**:

** That's what they tell me.  I don't actually like hot dogs.  However, the Vienna Beef Italian Beef is ridiculously awesome and the only kind of Italian Beef.  I'm sad I can't find any place that sells it here in Savannah. :-(

Sixteen Little Weeks

How did this little lump of a human,

turn into this adorable, squeaking, smiling, grabbing at things little person, with massive personality, in just 16 short weeks?

When Max was first born I wanted him to hurry up and grow.  I was depressed and overwhelmed. Now, I wish time would stop.

Parental Temperance

I don't quite remember which site it was or why I was there as I tend to avoid most parenting message boards.  I have enough drama in my real life thankyouverymuch. Anyway, I came across an interesting debate about whether or not parents are allowed to ever get drunk.  While, like most, I don't advocate getting rip-roaring drunk and making an ass of yourself in front of your kids, I was shocked by the number of people that said they either a) haven't touched a drink since their first child was born, b) will never have even one sip of alcohol in front of their kids and/or c)you are a horrible parent if you drink in front of your children.  Those were the overwhelming responses.  And honestly, I was really surprised.

I grew up surrounded by responsible alcohol consumption. My dad had a drink when he got home from work each night and my mom enjoyed a regular glass of wine.  Both my grandfathers drank gin martini's during family parties and as a kid my Gramp B ( husband of bad-ass Grandma) always gave me one of his olives. Every family party had an unguarded cooler of beer and a table full of wine. 

Despite the prevalence of alcohol, no one was ever drunk.  Sure, sometimes the laughter got a little loud or someone was a bit sillier than normal but I never witnessed anyone falling down drunk. (Except at family weddings.  L family weddings are Legen...wait for it....dary) Despite being constantly surrounded by booze, I didn't drink until I was in college.  Even my college days, save for a few ridiculous nights, we're pretty tame.  Therefore I was shocked how many people were so adamantly anti-drinking when it came to doing it in front of their kids. Very few people admitted they do drink, but like me, they probably lurked, unwilling to start a flame war.

Sure, I don't know back stories.  Maybe they don't drink for religious purposes.  Maybe they had alcohol parents or family members. I don't think there is anything wrong with not drinking.  However, I also don't think I'm a bad mom for enjoying a regular glass of red wine.  Max will grow up in a house where alcohol is consumed and consumed responsibly.  My husband and I will never have too much that we can't drive, even when at home because we never know when an emergency will occur. He'll be taught that it's okay in moderation and it needs to be respected, even when the time comes that he's a moronic college students like his parents once were.

Now if you'll excuse me, the baby is asleep, the pizza is on it's way, a long week is over and I'm due for a beer.

Writer's Workshop: My Favorite Collector

My Grandma didn’t collect typical “Grandma Things”.  Sure, she has figurines, pictures and crafts her grand kids made for her and maybe even a doily or two.  However, I would never classify her as a collector…except for one thing: UPC Codes.  You know, the bar codes on every product in the grocery store?  Or the thing my brother has tattooed on his leg.

Yes, honestly, that’s his tattoo.  It’s for Easy Cheese, in case you were wondering.

When I think of her kitchen, I think of the little pile of cardboard codes, cut out from boxes of cereal, sitting next to the sink. Those things were basically the currency she used to buy us little gifts. By mailing in a few codes from a Kellogg’s product and some spare change in shipping and handling you get a little random something or other brandishing a corporate logo.

With every birthday, there were always two boxes from Grandma.  One had our “regular” gift while the other came to be known as the “Fun Box”.  You knew it was the “Fun Box” because there was always a post-it note over the wrapping paper designating it as such. The fun box was filled with an assortment of things Gram had picked up.  Freebies from local stores, little inexpensive gadgets she thought we might like and the crème de la crème of the “Fun Box”, things purchased with UPC codes. As kids, we thought they were awesome while my mom probably looked at them as more things that we would leave lying around the house.

Looking back, the variety of UPC goodies is pretty amusing.  I polled my siblings about memorial “Fun Box” items and came up with following things:

-Purple Welch’s Grape Jelly Wrist Watch
-A plastic California Raisins figurine
-A collection of Model A Matchbox Cars with the Apple Jacks, Rice Krispie and Raisin Bran logos.
-A fleet of Kellogg’s Matchbox racing cars
- A Pilsbury Doughboy button up denim shirt
-An Olympic "Dream Team" warm up suit that was made of paper. 

Now all the grandchildren are over 20 and birthday gifts are morely like to be a check. The little collection of UPC's on Gram's kitchen counter are gone.  However, I know all 7 grandchildren would smile a little if with that check, a little Tony the Tiger beach towel came with it.

Oh, and this is my bad ass Grandma.

You Capture: America..another iPhone edition

I thought long and hard about this challenge and I came up with lots of things.

Perhaps a picture of Max spouting a Chicago Bears onesie.  It would show how team allegiances for a very American sport can form before one is even of the ability to make up his or her own mind.

I considered going downtown and capturing the homeless guys who beg for change in front of high end stores and restored historic homes.  It would highlight the very real unequal distribution of wealth in this country.

I thought about framing shot of the two cars that seem to always wind up next to each other in the parking garage.  One with multiple bumper stickers and window decals proclaiming their belief in Christianity.  The other with stickers highlighting their dis-belief in any higher power.  This would represent both the freedom of expression and the freedom to practice any religion, two tenants the country was founded on and that its citizens still hold close.

In the end,  I didn't have to seek out any shot. Instead, my picture this week presented itself when I walked out of my local Kroger (without a real camera) over the weekend. It's of something we can all agree is truly American: 

I don't even eat hot dogs and I LOVE the Weinermobile!

Fumbles, Falls and Forgetfulness

It would be more fitting if the URL to this blog would be "the fumbling of motherhood" instead of "the humbling of motherhood".  I feel like I've fumbled through the last 15 weeks thanks to a constant fog of sleeplessness and one-track-mindedness. Max being that single track, of course.

I'm pretty klutzy by nature. I've been know to walk into buildings, parking meters and trees (seriously).  I trip over my own feet and I've unintentionally elbowed my husband in the face enough time to make him think I'm doing it on purpose. Since I gave birth, things have gotten out of control.

It starts in the morning.  I fumble to turn off my buzzing alarm, panicked it might wake the baby.  In the process I knock books, cell phones and pacifiers off my nightstand.  Then I head downstairs for 15 minutes of blog reading, coffee and breakfast before the rest of the house wakes.  My lazy fingers often fail me as I try to type in a password or make some food. I've recently come across some less than family friendly websites by mistyping a letter or two. Just yesterday I fumbled with the oatmeal lid causing a half full container of oats to splay across a dirty kitchen floor. When sweeping up the mess, I knocked myself in the jaw with the handle of the broom.

Getting showered and dressed for the day brings more mistakes.  I get to work to find only one eyelid lined or one leg shaved.  Twice now I've started to pump before leaving, only to realize I didn't screw on the collection cup. Just walking from my back door to my garage has resulted in two faceplants.  I now leave the high heels off until I reach my office. After dropping Max off at day care last week, I got a call 60 seconds after driving away saying I left my checkbook AND my work badge in the tuition office.

I'm not much better once I get to work and don't have to worry about keeping Max alive.  I need to triple and quadruple check emails before sending, for fear I forgot a word or worse, and entire sentence. I fumble on the phone, calling co-workers to ask a question then immediately forgetting the question when they pick up. I leave stuff everywhere.  Someone is constantly telling me I left my phone or beverage on their desk. I leave clumsily written post it note reminders all over my monitor so I don't forget to complete important tasks...like swiping in and out.

I'm so busy thinking about Max's latest development, diaper issues or doctor appointments that I fumble through the rest of my life, hoping I can make it from point A to point B without injuring myself of forgetting something vital, like bringing along my cell phone, or putting on underwear. I walk into the grocery store for one thing, manage to spend $50 and walk about without purchasing the item that necessitated the trip. I have even been avoiding the treadmill for fear that I will get on it, fumble, trip, fall and be shot off the belt, Jackass style.

I know soon this will pass.  I'll get more sleep, I'll get more accustom to being responsible for someone another person's life and I'll start catching on to where I most commonly fumble and take action to prevent another occurrence.  I'll be that has-it-together, well dressed working mom....someday.  But now, I'm just going to try and not fall in the shower.

Daddy's Day!

Please welcome guest blogger and husband extraordinaire Brett to The Things I Said I'd Never Do! This is the first of what I am sure will be many posts from St. Brett the Awesome giving his take on raising Max.  

Greetings Blogosphere!  I recently asked St. Laura the Tolerant (it might not seem like much of a nickname, but you should see the shit she tolerates from me) if I could do a guest post on her blog, and she was nice enough to say yes!  So get ready for lots of ramblings about Max from his Daddy’s perspective.

Thanks to our crazy work schedules Laura and I didn’t get to share a vacation day this 4th.  My vacation day was on Thursday, and hers was on Monday.  I’m going for my masters degree right now and Laura offered to take Max to daycare so I could work on my homework.  “Don’t be silly!” I said.  “I can take care of the little man!”  Around the 1:00 AM feeding before the big day it hit me.  I’ve never done this before!  Now I consider myself a pretty involved dad, and I like to think I’m the rule rather than the exception, but at that point I realized that I’ve never spent an entire day alone with my son.  I spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling with eyes as big as Maxwell’s.

Now ladies, I have ENORMOUS respect for what moms go through, both in labor and taking care of little ones, and I’ve never met another dad that doesn’t agree.  Laura was an absolute champ during a very long labor, and even though she was recovering herself she gave everything she had to our brand new little boy.  It was a big change for both of us and I did everything I could to help her and to take care of Max, but two weeks later I was back to work and what amounted to a 10 hour vacation four days a week!  We’re a pretty modern family, but we very quickly fell into pretty traditional roles.  Laura keeps Max alive while I try to make some money and beat potential kidnappers to within an inch of their lives with a baseball bat (Seriously.  Guys think about this kind of thing a lot.  I even have a special hiding place set up for Laura and Max while I get my Ninja on).

By the time Laura came home that evening I’m happy to report that Max was alive and happy and other than a huge pile of soiled laundry the house was in pretty good order!  We even made it down to have lunch with Mommy and Max got his first trip to Radio Shack!  Apparently soldering irons are hilarious!  We had a great day, but it was EXHAUSTING!  To you stay at home moms out there, my hat’s off to you.  To you stay at home dads out there, way to go.  It’s a constant balancing act for us modern dads.  We’ve got to work hard to support our family, but we don’t want to miss our little ones’ babyhood.  To all those out there making it work, congratulations!  With the help of St. Laura the Tolerant I think we’re doing a pretty good job.

Sunday Steaks- Saturday Edition

I'm cheating on the second week of Sunday Steaks. Due to the 4th we knew we would probably have a cookout with friends, so we decided to push Sunday Steaks up a day. This week, flank steak was on sale and I had a ton of leftover flat leaf parsley so we made Garlic Rubbed Flank Steak with Chimichurri Sauce. Technically, Flank Steak isn't steak, but I'm not about technicalities.

I realize this isn't the most appetizing photo, but I promise it was yummy!

I highly recommend this dish! Brett grilled the meat to a perfect medium rare and the fresh, citrusy taste of the sauce was a strong complement to the charred flavor of the meat. I over-processed the chimichurri a bit, making it a little too thin. I think a chunkier version might have been better. Still it was great and had a gorgeous color.

As a side I made a disappointing corn pudding. It wasn't really an appropriate parring, but I was trying to clear out some frozen corn taking up space in our freezer. Despite not being the most obvious side dish, the recipe wasn't very good, so I'm not going to post it. At least it looked pretty.

I think a better paring would be black beans and a nice salad. However, the Sam Adams Summer Ale we drank was a good choice of beverage.

For dessert I broke out an old recipe- Chocolate Bourbon Pecan Pie or, as it's more commonly referred -Big O pie. So. Freaking. Good. If anyone wants the recipe, let me know and I'll re-post. I don't remember where it came from as it's been sitting in my recipe box for years so I can't give credit, but it's great!

I would consider the second week of Sunday Steaks quite successful.This is a tradition I'm starting to dig!

Please send any steak recipes my way. If Brett and I try it, I'll be sure post the results!

Saturday Random Ramblings

1) I would classify our first purchase from the Savannah Food Co-op as successful.  The eggs we got are unbelievable and so much better compared to grocery store eggs.  Our CSA mixed box had impressive variety. We got gorgeous oranges, apples and plums for snacking and bananas for bread (since neither of us like raw ones). I've already made a stellar salsa with the Roma tomatoes and Vidalia onions and I used one of the lemons in a chimichurri.  This week we'll be making fries with the Yukon gold potatoes and I have a recipe in mind for the head of cabbage. Brett made me a tasty salad for lunch today using the tender green lettuce that I wish we got more of.  Next order we are going to try some of the grass fed meats along with the eggs and CSA box. As I ld learn to use my resources more wisely, I see some large orders in the future.

2) It's less than 100 degrees in Savannah this weekend. Nights have had record low temperatures! We took 2 family walks without melting!  It's an Independence Day miracle!! Speaking of the 4th, please don't blow you yourself this holiday weekend! Practice safe illegal fireworks displays!

3) When Brett and I received a battery powered nasal aspirator (or zombie bwainsucker, as we call it) for a gift, I thought it was another unnecessary and overpriced tool that we would never use.  Well, the experienced Mom who gave it to us knew better.  The thing is brilliant.  Max is on his second cold since birth and it's heartbreaking.  Seriously, if the kid could just blow his nose, all would be fine but since he can't the bwainsucker is the next best option.  When position changes and breast milk up the nose aren't enough to clear the crud, we break out the big guns and suck out the snot so the poor kid can breathe.  Plus, it seems to be far less traumatic for him than the bulb syringe. For those of you thinking it's just a waste of money, in my new mom opinion, it's worth spending the extra ching.

4) I have decided  to dive deeper into this blogging thing.  I'm researching designers to make the blog more eye catching and to better represent who I am. I've started participating in blogging communities and I'm devouring various how to's on blogging and social networking.  If anyone has any great communities or sites to share, please pass them along. Look for exciting changes over the next few months.

5) I really really really want to win the Spa Bleu giveaway from the The Wedding Studios of Savannah and Charleston.  Several friends have raved about Spa Bleu and if Teresa allowed them to be part of the The Studio than they must be stellar.  Check out the giveaway here.

Maximum Max- a week 15 update

Ok friends and family, I hear you.  You aren't coming out and saying it, but I can hear your thoughts. "Laura, that's great you and Brett starting eating steak on Sunday and you make cake in the microwave.  Sure, you love a couple of Dad's and you took a picture of a train. Good for you.  But we aren't reading this blog for you.  We want to know about Max!"  Fine.  I'll stop talking about myself for a minute.

You really want to know about Max?

Really really?

Well...he's a bit constipated and a bit cranky.   Oh, and now he has a cold.

Sorry, you asked

Actually, besides the issues mentioned above, Max is developing right on track.  At least I think so.  I stopped comparing him to what the "experts" say he should be doing because it makes me a bit insane. He's a week ahead in some places and a week behind in others. The past few weeks have had some pretty major milestones however.

The biggest development is that Max has started using his hands. He skipped the "batting at things" stage altogether.  He's grabbing at things and it's obviously intentional because when he gets a grip, the object goes directly to his mouth.  It was fun the first few days as he would swing and miss but now he's pretty accurate.  The only downside is I need to temporarily put away all my dangling earrings!

 

Another ADORABLE development is he is more verbal.  From yelps to coos to gurgles and the best- laughing, he is able to communicate more than "HOLY CRAP I'M PISSED SO FIX IT". It's totally awesome. Plus, he does this the most when we are changing his diaper, thus making a unfun task completley awesome!

I no longer dread car rides now that Max doesn't scream bloody murder the whole time. Instead, he looks around, maybe yelps once or twice and falls alseep.  It's adorable. And blissfully quiet.

Other things changing include:
-He notices himself in the mirror...and thinks he's hysterical
-He's working on sitting up and no longer despises his bumbo.
-He's able to play in his exersauser though he isn't 100% sure he likes it.
-He has rolled from tummy to back 7 times but most of the time does it when no one is looking.
-He still loves that damn bear

The only thing that isn't going well is the lack of sleep at night.  He's an adorable angel during the day but at night he's screaming  every 2 hours.  We've tried EVERYTHING but he doesn't want to sleep.  It's one thing after another.  When we finally figured out a good feeding schedule, he decided he doesn't want the swaddle all night long.  When he finally broke the swaddle habit, the constipation thing happened.  Once his tummy troubles were under control he got a cold.  So, we keep trying things to get him to sleep for more than a few hours at a time.  We all keep begging praying that one night a switch will flip and he'll sleep for a long stretch, every night. Unfortunately, my gut is telling me we have another 9 months of this.  Brett and I no longer find coffee effective.  Instead, we just ingest caffeine into our veins.

I don't want to complain too much. He's healthy and that is all that matters. All in all, he's a pretty wonderful kid and my life is better with him in it.

Writer's Workshop-A Happiness List

Sure, there are lots of things that make me smile after a bad day.  There are the obvious things in which everyone shares.  A hug from your spouse.  A big smile and laugh from your baby. Coffee and conversation with an old friend.  Yes, those things will put a smile on my face when I'm not happy too. However, here's a list of 10 less obvious things that really can turn a bad day good.

10) Will Ferrell Movies- My sense of humor is similar to what a teenage boy might have.  People getting hit in the junk, fart jokes, ect. I also love pop culture references. So, Will Ferrel movies tend to fall in that brilliant category of immaturity.  I can quote 90% of Anchorman.  Even love Blades of Glory.  I love all his stuff..except Land of the Lost.  That blew chunks.

9) Listening to Tom Jones's "It's Not on Usual" and doing the Carlton Dance. Seriously.  Try it (when no one is looking). It's hard not to have a good time.


8) The Chocolate Covered Orange Martini from Lulu's Chocolate Bar.  Alcohol?  Chocolate?  Oranges? In a drink?  Yes Please.

7) This clip from Mythbusters:

6) These shoes

Aren't they ridiculously hot? I saw them in a window and left my beloved grandfathers funeral luncheon to go buy them. Plus, they were a billion percent off. Gramps was a major bargain hunter so I think he were actually his doing.

5) When new people follow my blog (HINT HINT HINT)

4) Driving my car. This is my car, Louie. 

Now that I'm all parent-y and responsible, I don't get to drive it very often.  Day care is close to my work and Louie can't accommodate a car seat.  Thus, I get the family sedan most days while Brett takes my car.  I can't complain too much.  Brett did give up his fancy schmancy sports car completely. Still, on the rare occasional I am without Max and in my car, I take the long way home.

3) Joel McHale-'nuff said

2) Her cakes and desserts. So damn yummy. She's a great baker and even a better friend.

1) Sleeping for more than 4 hours in a row.  It never ever ever happens any more, but if it ever does again, I can promise you I will be a renewed, less bitchy woman. 

So- What makes you happy?